Why do I use the term “gay bullying” and not bullying alone?

“Almost 85 percent of LGBTQ teenagers are harassed in high school because of their sexual orientation, with 61 percent of gay youth reporting that they felt unsafe in school and 30 percent staying home to avoid bullying” -  (2009 Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network survey).

I’ve been reading various responses to the recent four nationally recognized gay teens that completed suicide; Tyler Clementi, 18, Seth Walsh, 13, Billy Lucas, 15, and Asher Brown, 13, realizing that these are only four of many more gay or perceived to be gay bullied teens that find themselves facing a life that is not worth living and hopeless.

I’ve purposely used the word gay to identify these teens and the type of bullying they experienced.  Reason is, I’ve noticed some responses to these tragedy’s as people thinking that because the gay teen is identified as gay and the bullying is homophobic and intolerant that those talking about these deaths are some how promoting the “gay agenda” or the using these deaths as a “political statement”.

My first reaction is what type of agenda does one perceive the "gay agenda" to be?  Promoting tolerance agenda?  A human right agenda? A civil rights agenda?  All of which I would answer yes and admittedly say of course my response to these deaths is part of promoting tolerance and human rights.

Here is one example by “smittshow” taken from OUTwest Lubbock Youtube “It Gets Better Project” Channel; smittshow says; “…you shouldn’t have put such a strong emphasis on gay kids being bullied, a lot of kids get bullied for many other reasons.”

And another by Britton Peele columnist from the Texas Tech University, Daily Toreador, "Bullying serious problem, don’t mix politics into issue"; “…I feel as if too many people are taking the fact that these suicides were by members of the gay community and rushing to make a political statement out of it.”

I’ve also read Rachel Simmons Newsweek article, "The Nine Most Common Myths About Bullying" and Jessica Bennett “Are We a Nation of Bullies?" with great respect and gratitude for pointing the conversation in directions that, as a whole, make us contemplate the underlying current to bullying.

Yes, the statistics are outrageous no matter what type/kind of bullying we are discussing.  Yes, young and old, straight and gay, people have in some manner experienced and/or witnessed bullying or have been the bully themselves.  The issue for me is, when bullying is covered and discussed in the media looking for answers from school leaders tasked with protecting and representing all students, the system breaks down and reveals that "sexual orientation" is excluded in written policies and procedures while all other descriptions such as race, color, religion, gender, national origin, and disability are included.

By not including “sexual orientation” as a descriptive, defining whom this type of discrimination touches, supports the social, political and ideological system that has been in place for generations and adds to the practice of dehumanization of GLBTQ people. Deep seeded anti-gay bias from unknown teens to politicians, from television/movies to the church pulpit, from state bans on adoption, to not serving openly in the military, as well as having to live with the fear of loosing your job if you “come out” at work.  It seems obvious to me why I would be discussing “gay” bullying over all other types of bullying at this point and time; because gay bullying is validated, reinforced and in some communities celebrated to dehumanize someone because they identify as GLBTQ or are perceived to be “gay”. The message is clear to the GLBTQ community; “please don’t exist” and if you do exist we don’t want to know about it.

The problem is, or shall I say the problem for an intolerant person is, that GLBTQ people do exist and on some levels the mediums listed above have showcased some support for GLBTQ people by way of character plots and "reality" television, and/or showing in the news the potential "threat" of overturning laws set in the last 10-15 years. 

The issue I take with television/movies/advertising is that images of GLBTQ identified person’s still follow the pattern of hetero-normative media representation, leaving out GLBTQ people based on race, class, gender identified, ability, age, etc.  Some would say I should just be glad they don’t have us written into the script as murdering, drug dealer, pedophiles, that die at the end of the film at the hand of the “confused” character that suddenly finds, after a heated affair with someone of the same sex, that they are straight again!

Have we come that far? Far enough where one can separate media images of fantasy to that of images of real lived experiences?  All those that I ask usually say yes that they can differentiate fact from fiction.  But what is the issue? Why is the audience continually bombarded with this imagery if we still classify it as fiction?  Does our fictitious fantasy need to be degrading and intolerant?

I choose to talk about “gay” bullying and say it with purpose to remind people that all bullying, while harmful in every way, is not discussed equally.  Until school districts consciously include "sexual orientation", gay and/or perceived to be gay youth will not find relief.  Until media consciously begins to light a real lived experience of representing gay or perceived to be gay individuals as no longer condemned by outside sources on a continuous basis, I will always make a point to single out the anti-gay, hate filled speech and torment as a most horrendous form of greed and power.  For me, it is time to give the power back to survivors of bullying to stand up and fight because talking about bullying alone is not enough.

How can you help? Check out  GLSEN Safe Space anti-bullying campaign.  Learn how to get this packet/kit into your school: http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/antibullying/index.html

 

More than "A Wink and A Nod"

I found a post on my Facebook page today that moved me to tears and while very heartbreaking to listen to, I did find hope.

Ft. Worth, TX City Council member Joel Burns took his time for announcements to reflect on the current gay youth suicides and to tell his personal story. I was so moved that I put aside my “to do” list for today to write this blog.

Over the past six months I’ve taken part in a committee of volunteers planning and organizing events for GLBTQ Awareness Month. I didn’t realize six months ago that when we suggested to show Trevor: The Film and OUT in the Silence as part of our GLBTQ Film Festival that they would be so needed. Early on, I received some criticism from a few members of the queer community that said; “we shouldn’t have sad and depressing events” but instead we should be “celebrating our lives”. I partly agree with my peers but at the same time I know that not all of us are in the same “safe place” in our lives.

As news breaks about another “gay” teen committing suicide, our community has slowly began to participate in our version of the “it gets better project”. Members of the planning committee felt so strongly that our community needed to “do something” that we started our own Youtube channel with local GLBTQ and Allies that felt they had something to say and needed to say it. I anticipate that we can bring awareness to the gay teen suicides that have happened in our own community while supporting others currently in crisis.

While taking part in the project (being behind the camera and hearing everyone’s story) and attending all of the awareness events so far, today’s video message from Joel Burns hit me pretty hard. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m feeling the “community organizer blues” or is it that I’m rethinking my own hidden identity to my family.

As I watched Joel speak about his personal story, I found myself thinking once again how powerful the media can be. Because I have friends that will post and send me messages such as this one, I’m hoping that my local news sources will pick up on the story and run it. But I know all too well when it is not “sensational” enough or doesn't connect celebrity to our town, it won’t run. This leads me to remember how, as a young budding lesbian in the 1980’s, I learned about what it was like to be someone that identified as gay or lesbian through watching the media.

I’m having flashbacks to my time in Junior High and High School during the 1980’s and remember that I was fully aware that if I were to “come out” I would not be welcomed. My news channels, locally and nationally, were reporting on the overwhelming numbers of people across the country contracting and dying of AIDS related illnesses. I witnessed the slow agonizing process of investigating and researching what this disease was while laced with a sense of urgency and panic for citizens in our own backyard.

I find it odd that I never met someone that was diagnosed with AIDS as the "gay disease" but instead was introduced to AIDS as sharing dirty needles and the "just say no to drugs campaign". Three years into my Mom and Stepfather's marriage, I was told that my step-cousin, that I had only known for a short time, died of AIDS. This was my first hand experience of seeing just how manipulative the media was and how much it played a part in how I defined AIDS. I also knew to keep the reason for her dying a secret. After this experience I knew that it would take a long time before the "gay disease" terminology and ideology would begin to subside.

Even though my firsthand experience with AIDS was more about how straight people contract the disease thru drug use, I knew what image I was supposed to uphold and being a lesbian was not the “right” way to live. I was confident of my feelings for other girls and I knew I needed to be true to myself but was faced with image after image and news feed after news feed that gays and lesbians will die of the “gay disease” spreading across the United States.

I’ve found myself reliving those disparaging memories, memories I’ve tried to block out of my mind, but somehow they keep coming back. Now the images are returning but they are in the form of young people, dying by way of their own hand. I find myself asking the same questions I heard back then when the President of the United States wouldn’t even say the word AIDS until Ryan White contracted the disease thru a blood transfusion; “How many more people have to die before something is done?”

There has to be a nation wide response to awaken the poor discrimination and harassment policies and procedures that parents and teens face while trying to make their schools responsible. Those that are in crisis deserve more than “a wink and a nod”.

--

To find out what your school district policy is with regard to "student welfare: freedom from bullying and/or freedom from discrimination, harassment, and retaliation" and what it covers:

1.) Look up you school districts web site

ex. LISD = http://lubbockisd.org

2.) On some web sites it is hard to find but know that you are looking for some terminology such as "policy online" to get you to viewing the policy. Using the example of LISD, place your cursor over the navigation bar with the words "District Info & News"

3.) Click on "LISD Policy Online"

4.) Type in the words student welfare and click search

5.) If you click on STUDENT WELFARE: FREEDOM FROM DISCRIMINATION, HARASSMENT, AND RETALIATION you will see how your district defines "discrimination"

6.) If you click on STUDENT WELFARE: FREEDOM FROM BULLYING you will see how your district defines "bullying"

There are only four ISD's in Texas that protect students from discrimination based on sexual orientation: Houston, Dallas, Fort Worth, & Austin.

These policies are revised as needed to reflect changes in federal or state law, Texas Education Guidelines, and local options.

Find your legislator to ask why some Texas schools include sexual orientation in their student welfare policy and others don't? Is this only a "local issue" that needs to be addressed? How does one local area differ from another if we are talking about students need a safe place to learn?