Recharging the Feminist Senses: When Optimism Meets Depression

Rosie, "At My Window" by Townes Van Zandt

After a fantastic few days in Denver at the NWSA conference I find myself returning to my office with a bit of depressed optimism. Is that even possible to combine those two words together and make sense? Let’s see if I can make sense of this….

I’m always amazed at how quickly my optimistic feminist bubble and recharging experiences can quickly burst after returning from an environment that inspired, challenged, and encouraged me to think outside my creativity and myself. Thank you NWSA for reminding me why I am who I am and do what I do.

I could go on and on about how powerful the NWSA conference made me feel but this blog is about how I am coming to terms with my power in an environment and climate that limits women’s power.

I like to bottle up all that I witnessed at these types of conferences and release the contents and watch them seep into the minds and hearts of people in my community. If only it were that simple.

In the few short days that I have returned, not only do I find my words flowing uncontrollably out of my mouth to try and inspire others but I find there are some who appear, with crossed arms and over speak language, seeming to not want to hear what I have to say. Is this because they know something I don’t? Is it that they don’t want the refill of hope spilled into them to then be crushed by administrative strife? Either way, it hasn’t taken me long to settle back down into my everyday struggle of promoting, educating, and supporting gender on the lives of women and men within a climate that could care less about this topic until it brings in corporate money.

My small, meager, all-be-it important job position has once again met the ugly green monster of marginalization. Our program is undergoing another reorganization within a 12-month period. Moving this money loosing hot potato of a program out of one area into another division possibly dealing with similar criteria of sorts.

Where will this new move lead me? I am optimistic, to a point, but it may be at another’s direction. A direction that knocks me back rather than forward, swaying me back to where I’ve come from, challenging me to mobilize my voice more poetically towards progress without getting fired. Yes, there is fear in my tone because I have worked too hard and sacrificed too much to not be recognized, validated, and compensated for my dedication to promoting feminism in this place.

How do I move forward? I recognize those moments, like today, that are not merely coincidences but signs from someone or something. Here’s the story: My door was open and the lights were on. A graduate student not affiliated with the program stopped by unannounced looking for resources for his research on “women in politics” and saw that we had a lending library. He needed to know more about how he could access the library and if he needed to be in the program to do so. We talked about his research topic with a few more details and the more I spoke with him I realized how much he needed validation and support of where he was taking his research. So, even though our office is in a basement off the beaten path it made me realize that if there is a need a student will find their way.

How much of a coincidence is that? For me, the answer is clear; it was a sign. A sign that I will take with me to remind others and myself, that will listen, that feminism is alive and well in this conservative space and it is up to me to show it, embrace it, and promote it. So, with that, my optimism is back and my depression put on the back burner, at least, until tomorrow.

God, Family, Lattes and Bikini's

It’s the same old sexism with a bold new flavor.

There is a new business in this sleepy little West Tx town, using the same old ways of commerce/capitalism, turning a buck at the expense of others. Ooo La Lattes owned by Joe and Bruce, two “God fearing” and “family loving” guys that just want to put their entrepreneurial skills “out on a limb”, have opened a new coffee house. This town (approx. pop. 200,000) now has, at my count; six independently owned coffee shops competing with Starbucks which has four locations, counting the campus and Barnes & Noble bookstore at the mall.

What’s the big deal? It’s just a coffee shop, right? What could possibly warrant a blog post spent talking about coffee? If you read S. Coleman with Talk Lubbock you'll know what the big deal is with "Hooter-like jugs hanging just right". Also, the facebook page of KLBK/KMAC news channel (scroll down to June 22nd) seemed to have some folks saying that there are those "jealous folks" that need to get hip with the times, as other big cities in Texas have already done and that progress is good, if we just open up another coffee shop with men dressing similarly, in place of women.

Hear what the all female staff thinks of their work environment and dress code, oh, and the coffee they sell.

How was this new business covered on the local news channel? Couldn't get the link to be embedded so you'll need to click on this to Lubbock Online to view the story: http://everythinglubbock.com/fulltext/?nxd_id=56395

Raising eyebrows! You don’t say! That’s an understatement. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy deconstructing some young women's argument that tell me “women have come so far, being independent from influences of main stream media” that “we” are in control of how we are exploited and it’s our choice to be in those type of situations, on and on I could go; BUT this story is not your typical run of the mill “call out sexism” type post. Instead this is a story of hypocrisy as the cherry (no pun intended) on top of the sexist cake.

In a conservative town that prides itself and it’s founding morals on being “the best place to raise a family”, I’m not sure Mom and Dad will take the kids to Ooo La Lattes on their way to church for a coffee or hot chocolate for the kids. Oh, that’s right they’re not open on Sunday’s. Just when all those good Christian folk need something for that hangover! Cue “Lubbock Or Leave It” by the Dixie Chicks.

Also, what’s the big deal? “It’s a nice little spin and you need a gimmick to make money today” and don’t forget “different strokes for different folks”.

It’s not new, right? “Hooters” has been doing it since 1983 and their Internationally known and have a Wikipedia page. If it's not new then what's the big deal?

The bid deal is this:

Using women’s bodies to sell a product is sexism. The hypocrisy is that the virtuous and morally principled owners have hit on something to sell their product at the profit of constructed women’s bodies as nothing more than commodities. A typical question that comes to mind with this discussion; does this mean I’m calling for equal treatment of men’s bodies as fragments to even the playing field? No, why would I want to call for men to experience the same issues of body image, self worth, stereotypes, etc.? No, no one gender, race, class, body, orientation, age group, etc should be constructed, fragmented, pieced apart in a manner that exploits their social, political and economic worth for profit.

I’ll admit I’ve only viewed the web site and seen the fan page on Facebook. Others have told me that they drove by with their teenage daughters in the car and immediately the daughters told their Mom; “Those women don’t have any clothes on!” You see; the drive thru window is much lower than traditional drive thru windows and seems to go as far down as midway down her thigh and the top of the window reaches as tall as just under the overhang. On this day, they must have been wearing their bikini "uniform". It did make for a great conversation on the drive home that day and the Mom was struck by how her daughters could distinguish sexism, "in the flesh" (pun intended).

I’m not sure I really need to drive by or even buy a cup of coffee to know sexism when I see it? Just like I don’t have to define sexism to those that have experienced it first hand. The hand, so to speak, comes on my television on the movie screen, even in my daily walk across campus as well as face-to-face acts.

Just in case; here is a reminder of the basic definition of sexism

-noun

attitudes or behavior based on traditional stereotypes of sexual roles

If the images don’t convince you maybe the way you order that special cup of “Joe” might make you think otherwise.

• Cup sizes are "B" cup, "C" cup, and "D" cup
  
• Don’t forget the catchy names of some of the specials: “Tripple X”, “The Push-UP”, “The Wild Thing”, “The Commando”; all organically made. All in all these names can be used in most any restaurant or bar but when you hear them coming from the barista at the drive thru window, flashing you a little more skin than you are used to at a coffee house, you seem to get the pun and point to why Ooo La Lattes is the type of business standing out above the rest.

So, what is the bottom line for me? What should I learn from this new coffee establishment’s “gimmick”? That *hypocrisy is alive and well in this sleepy little town, out in the environment where cotton, oil, football and sexism are KING!

*Note: Hypocrisy in this case equals the context of using women, dressed in clothing attire that would be declined in a schoolhouse but acceptable at a strip club, as a gimmick to attract customers to sell them coffee; therefore exploiting another person based on traditional stereotypes of sexual roles.

One last thought:

Why didn’t J&B Coffee, Day Break Coffee, Sugar Brown’s Coffee, Otto’s Granary and Grand Café do the same? Maybe they just didn’t have a sense of humor or a creative management team like Joe and Bruce

Resources on sexism by Media Education Foundation:

Dreamworlds 3

Killing Us Softly 3

Tough Guise

Women's Media Center:

"Sexism Sells But We're Not Buying It"

Straight Night at the Gay Bar

 www.chacha.com

School is back in session and the bars will once again be filling up here in this sleepy West TX town. As the Dixie Chicks song, "Lubbock or Leave It" echos in my head I found myself remembering the questions I asked a few months back when I heard that the only two "gay bars" in town were going to alternate Friday and Saturday nights as "Straight Night". I'll pre-face this post by saying the only reason I went to the gay bar was because my straight friends wanted to go...and then I was hooked!

--

Why did you come to "straight night" at the "gay bar"? Do you come to this bar when it is not straight night? Is this a gay bar? Are gay people here now? Are straight people here now? How do you know? Who decides who looks gay and who is not? Is the music you are listening to and dancing to gay or straight? Are the drinks you buy the same or different because of what night it happens to be or the name the bar happens to be tonight?

The lines between gay and straight nightlife has maintained a significant split as long as bars have existed here in Lubbock. Yes, a gay person does go to a straight bar. I should know, I’m one of them. I used to burn up the dance floor with as many straight guys I could find just to have fun and hang out with my straight friends. It was all very innocent because I knew the chance meeting would go no further than dancing. At times there was a "gender free for all" tendency on the dance floor, depending on the song of choice, but there was never enough freedom for two people of the same sex to dance openly with each other. Therefore, the gay bar scene would be that one location where anyone could feel safe and overcome any fears of retaliation.

Everybody, gay and straight, knows where to go for nightlife if they want to find something different, out of the ordinary, and in most instances the most open. Yes, you’ve guessed it, the gay bar is the place to be if you find yourself not fitting in. The straight folks I know that have found themselves at the gay bar, a many a nights, find themselves there because of the music, lights, specials and freedom. Through this mix of communities the lines seem to be blurring and a small circle of people have maintained a working relationship with little to no physical incidents requiring the Lubbock police to show up in force, until now when the place is advertised as "straight nite".

Living in the second most conservative city in the United States, those that self identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer, find slim pickings for an open night on the town. The gay bar life is one location that is available to meet, greet and be "Mary". Over the past year the two gay bars (defined by way of many displays of rainbows, drag queen shows and the queer community) in Lubbock have decided to host "straight nite". Interesting enough it has even been advertised on local radio. On alternating Friday and Saturday nights you will find people being turned away at the gay bars because they "look gay".

Using the distinctly decorated, remodeled (except the bathrooms), gay clientele climate for the purpose of straights only night has brought animosity among an already small gay customer base. Instead of catering to the mixed (straight and gay) crowd that has kept this business actively attended for the past ten years, segregation is rearing its ugly head, dividing the community for profit. Seems that the most tolerant and accepting safe place promoting freedom from ignorance and bigotry now aims to host predominantly straight patrons (distinguished by looks) without embracing the gay culture that has no other safe place to go except another "gay" bar that isolates and keeps gay people locked in a corner conveniently accepting this segregation, thanking their lucky stars for this one sliver of hope that there is in a town this size. The documentary by the Dixie Chicks, "Shut Up and Sing", comes to mind.

The worst of both worlds is occurring as a result of not allowing straight and gay bar patrons to mix at the gay bar. It is my theory that if segregation is advertised, condoned and mandated then friction on many levels is ineffective for all involved, resulting in intolerance and homophobia to run rampant.

It is my belief that, for some, nightclubs and bars are stand ins for community centers. For the most part, people utilize bars with "10,000 watts of sound and lighting pumping the hottest high-energy dance and hip-hop music" to forget about the world outside, allowing free flowing emotions to throw caution to the wind and celebrate life.

Can the owners shed some light on this topic? Can the patrons of these establishments contribute to this intolerance and bigotry by attending? I’ve heard witnesses of homophobic and degrading remarks spoken openly by both owners and patrons alike. I’m guessing the old saying "like goes with like" fits with this situation. For me, it’s hitting too close to home for my comfort zone.

Cleaning Up "Disappointment": Why I would be proud to work with Lt. Dan Choi

First question: why has it taken me this long to respond to Nonnie Ouch’s letter to Lt. Dan Choi? Second question: why do I care what one person living in Lubbock, TX says about GLBTQ activism? The answer is simply; for the past eight months I, along with many others, have been meeting, coordinating, fundraising, negotiating and planning GLBTQ Awareness events for Lubbock, TX. and I am financially and physically vested in efforts to bring local, state and national activist to speak.

Additionally, this letter has reached my twitter-verse and blogosphere GLBTQ/Feminist followers and I don’t want one person’s individual “disappointment” over money appearing to represent the larger body of GLBTQ people in Lubbock TX. I have read and appreciate Between Floating and Leeching: The Financial Struggle of the LGBT Activist by: Zack Ford (-promoted by Pam's House Blend) and What is feminism Worth? By Jessica Valenti. Your critiquing of Ms. Ouch’s topic was well spoken.

Once again, Lubbock has a “black –eye”, and the GLBTQ and Feminist grapevine is seeing why they might want to stay clear of our small city. I am left explaining to those potential speakers why Lubbock TX, conservative as it may be, needs and will financially support speakers like Choi to help create dialogue rather than debates.

I am one of many Lubbock GLBTQ activists that exist in this city of 200,000. I did not see the need to send an open letter regarding Lt. Dan Choi, because I was privy to more information than is public knowledge. Individual negotiation tactics were exposed and questioned. Asking these questions were additional Lubbock organizations, which understandably were willing to negotiate a fee with an agent instead of the initial liaison, first involved. Before this negotiation could take place, state media outlets picked up on Ms. Ouch’s letter. As is typical in a small conservative community, it only takes one person’s publicity to bring a whole group effort to a state of unrest. As the saying goes; one-step forward, two-steps back.

I have had the good fortune of being part of community planning for the past 10 years. In this short time I have participated in raising funds ranging from small to large, bringing speakers of this caliber to Lubbock. A few years ago a coalition of community leaders and organizers came together to form a GLBTQ Awareness Committee. These members found it necessary to come together after a short lived Student Diversity Relations Department, on the University campus, was no longer in existence. Additionally, as of 2006, there is a virtual Community Center that is coming off a fundraising high from hosting a successful Art Exhibit & Auction. These are only a few examples, of many, that support our GLBTQ heritage, history and diversity way out here in West TX.

Living in the second most conservative city in the USA (taken from the Bay Area Center for Voting Research, 2006), my GLBTQ & Allies community is small but powerful. I thank the founders of the first GLBT Community Center (1985-1992) and the up and coming virtual community center of today, OUTwest Lubbock. I thank the health providers and organizations that have been here all along in small corners and on open avenues. I thank the religious communities for surrounding themselves in the common goal of equality for all. I thank the legal community that continues to represent so many GLBTQ individuals and groups, leading to state and national coverage of the public protest against Fred Phelps and his flock. I also thank Nonnie Ouch for reminding me how powerful our community is, here in a town people pass thru on their way to somewhere else.

The bottom line is; I would be proud to work with Lt. Dan Choi and his agent to bring him to Lubbock. He would make a great addition to our already present activist community that works out of love.

For more information on upcoming events in Lubbock, TX check out OUTwest Lubbock events page:

http://www.outwestlubbock.org/events.htm